Soalnya Tuhan Tau... 9:35 PM

Aku tau kenapa mukaku pas-pasan,

soalnya kalo aku cantik pasti sombong.

Aku tau kenapa kulitku ga putih mulus kayak bintang FTV,

jadi aku ga suka pake baju seksi-seksi.

Aku tau kenapa duitku ga banyak,

kalo aku kaya nanti suka foya-foya.

Aku tau kenapa ga banyak cowok yang naksir aku,

biar aku ga jadi player huahahaaa.

Aku tau Tuhan itu adil, aku tau Tuhan ga mau aku macem-macem,

makanya Dia nyiptain aku segini-segini aja.

Aku tau Tuhan pengen aku nerima diriku apa adanya.

Dear God, I'm trying, really :')

Lagi-lagi, Menjadi Diri Sendiri 8:19 AM

Sebenernya aku bingung, apa yang dimaksud dengan "menjadi diri sendiri?"

Gimana kalo "diri sendiri"ku itu bukan jenis manusia yang dianggap normal di masyarakat? Bukan yang standar gitu. Apa aku harus menempatkan diri biar sesuai sama yang diharapkan orang-orang? (Bentar aku jadi bruwet sendiri.)

Misalnya ya, aku orangnya introvert. Isn't that the way I am meant to be? Should I try to fit in and try being someone I'm not? Kalo emang personalitiku kayak gitu, apa aku harus pura-pura jadi orang yang gampang bergaul dan sok asik? Sebagai orang yang introvert otomatis aku rada antisosial dong, kenapa papaku kayaknya terganggu banget sama hal itu? We're different, don't expect us all to be the same!

Mungkin aku emang pilih-pilih temen. Semua orang kan pilih-pilih temen. Aku juga ga bisa kalo harus menyambung-nyambungkan diri sama orang yang ga nyambung. Tambah lagi trauma temenan sama orang yang sombong-sombong dan suka ngerendahin orang lain. Apalagi yang backstabber. I'm through with them.

Cari temen yang cocok itu susah, banget malah. That's why once I meet the right ones I stick with them all the time. Salah? Bukannya itu menjadi diri sendiri ya? Salah??????

I should have known I can't keep anybody's word. Maybe it's easy for someone to promise things but careful with your promise, it breaks people more than you think it does.

Empty hopes, bullshits, I've been told too many times. Thank you very much.

Kaleidoscope 5:32 PM

I don't know what brought me back here. My last post is like a thousand years ago hahahaaa. Well it's been just a year but it felt like forever.

One single year changes many things though. We all change. But I guess I'm just gonna talk about myself.

A year ago I was still a good girl, never went home late in the middle of the night. A year ago I hadn't worn these dental braces. A year ago I was still dreaming of becoming a graphic designer. A year ago I loved my mom soooooooo damn much. A year ago I didn't always get myself "galau" because of this person I have a crush with.

A year ago my friends and I hadn't built this really strong, lovely friendship we're having now :D and as time went by we got to know each other better, tried to accept one another as we are, I love how I can be myself when I'm with them. Of course every friendship has problems. And I made lots of problems :p I had countless fights with my friends and honestly I'm sick of hearing myself asking for apologies. Why do I always start a fight? -,-

I spend most of my time with my friends and who must one blame for me choosing them over my family? No one. My friends are my new family. Well they are the ones I can always count on, when my family cannot be there for me.

What doesn't change in a year is my love life. Well this one is really fucked up, I guess I just gotta deal with it. Nobody can stand me I guess T_T