Happy Eid Mubarak!


Four years ago, on an Eid Fitr eve like this, I was sitting on my motorcycle behind you, looking at a sky full of fireworks when we got stuck in a traffic jam after riding around the city to deliver 2 backpacks full of yearbooks to our classmates. Every single one of their house.
Now looking back, I've got to admit that it was a folly and I was insane and you were clearly attracted to me. And I was undoubtedly crushing on you.


Because nobody wouldn't see why I would want to spend two freaking exhausting days with you delivering the books when in fact we could make them come pick the books themselves. And our friends' houses weren't even close one another.


But so we did, out of our insanity.

What do we chase in life, what do we look for? Is it happiness?

Doesn't being with the people we love makes us happy too? Then why do we have to live apart from them?

Oh those questions that pop into my head every now and then. The questions I ask myself each time I mingle with my lovable siblings. How many times those thoughts made me want to burst into tears throughout my stay at home last Easter holiday. The mishmash of thankfulness and regret when I finally felt the rare bliss of being with my own family. I got the blues thinking about the ten years of my life that I could have, but didn't spent with them.

But here's the funny thing: I knew I would be heartbroken, but why did I choose to leave in the first place? Wasn't there enough affection to hold me back from leaving?

Perhaps we're all fated to wander, searching for things that are outside of our reach. Perhaps that is solely the nature of every human being, as even Adam and Eve too wasn't satisfied with the Garden of Eden.

Am I Happy? 2:27 AM

What is happiness?


It took quite some time, and a lot of sentences to describe the word.


Happiness is listening to my favorite songs until I get sick of them.
Happiness is finding new songs to listen to.
Happiness is eating my favorite food.
Happiness is cooking something without burning it.
Happiness is the first rain in a rainy season.
Happiness is sniffing the smell of the wet land when the rain comes pouring.
Happiness is meeting new friends that click.
Happiness is hours and hours of hanging out with an old friend.
Happiness is seeing an awesome concert.
Happiness is nailing a gig.
Happiness is all the joking after failing a gig.
Happiness is accomplishing a task at the last minutes.
Happiness is finishing a work long before the deadline.
Happiness is buying something I've wanted for so long.
Happiness is going on an unplanned shopping.
Happiness is using up all my money buying clothes on sale.
Happiness is reading a good book.
Happiness is spending my money buying discounted books.
Happiness is being able to play the piece I love on the piano.
Happiness is watching a nice movie.
Happiness is re-watching the movie I love.
Happiness is spending a productive day.
Happiness is looking at old pictures.
Happiness is feeling safe.
Happiness is making other people happy.
Happiness is knowing my loved ones are happy.
Happiness is being with people I love.
Happiness is being with people who love me back.


To sum up I'll have to be cliché; happiness is being contented with what I've got.


And after all,
happiness is knowing the things that make me happy,
Yet knowing there's still plenty of time to figure out the rest of them.


Yes, I am a happy person :)

Semakin Dipikir Semakin Nggak Paham 12:19 PM

Waktu itu abstrak.

Waktu itu nggak benar-benar ada.

Waktu itu bukan sesuatu yang bisa digapai, nggak kayak bentuk yang bisa disentuh atau jarak yang bisa ditempuh.

Tapi kenapa seluruh dunia bisa membahasakan waktu?

Girls and Shallow Minds 1:06 PM

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

I was stumbling across quotes pictures when I found this one. Those words struck me immediately. How true those words are, and how shallow I had been all this time.

The night before, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine. He shared his thoughts that knowledge should never be exchanged for money, because... of some reasons I can't really retell (I know, bad memory). The thing is, we discussed ideas. He MADE me discuss ideas with him and such thing never happens when we're with all our other friends.

Then I realized that the discussions I've had with my male friends usually occurs on more worthy topics, while I spent most of my time with my female friends gossiping. Is it already set in our brain?

I've always been wondering
what if..

the reality isn't real.

What if the things we see is only happening in our minds.

What if other people don't really exist; I'm only projecting them.
Or maybe I only exist in someone's mind?


What if what I see differs from what you see.

If the colors in my world is not the same with yours.
If I feel things differently.

What if our senses are deceiving us?



I've always been wondering.

Tamagoci, Bukan Tamagotchi 10:10 PM

Dari tadi sore aku nyariin aplikasi tamagoci di App Store hahahaha.

Salah satu momen paling memorable dari masa kecilku adalah waktu aku punya tamagoci. Seumur hidup aku cuma sekali punya tamagoci. Bukan Tamagotchi asli dari Bandai yang mahawl itu, tapi tamagoci-tamagocian yang beli di abang-abang depan sekolah. Harganya 20ribu, aku beli pas lagi rame-ramenya temen-temenku punya tamagoci. Biasalah anak SD masih mainstream. Aku inget banget itu tamagoci bentuknya bulet telor, warnanya ijo telor asin.

Jadi ceritanya suatu hari aku punya duit dan akhirnya beli tamagoci. Pas abis beli tuh rasanya bahagia gitu. Eh bukan deng, buuuwahagiya! Kayak seneng banget gitu. Waktu itu seakan aku akhirnya punya tujuan hidup. Ada suatu makhluk yang hidupnya bergantung padaku. Itu adalah makhluk di dalam tamagoci non ori yang baru kubeli. Dan makhluk itu bentuknya telor.

Dan ceritanya telornya dimasukin ke kulkas...

Dan kemudian telornya menetas...

Dan ternyata isinya pinguin...

Terus aku kayak aaaa omg it's soo cute! Pinguinnya kecil abis, dan kyut abis, dan dia maemnya ikan. Aaaaaa lucu bangeeeeettt. Terus dia boboknya di kulkas. Aaaaaaak lucu bangeeeeeehhttt!! Pertamanya dia cuma kecil gitu, terus lama-lama tambah gede *yaiyalah*. Terus ada gamenya, gamenya mancing biar dia dapet ikan buat dimakan. Aaaaaaaaaaaakk!!!

Hidupku serasa sempurna dengan kehadiran si tamagoci. Aku bangun tidur langsung ngecek tamagoci. Terus kalo dia udah tambah gede aku seneng banget gitu. Pas aku sekolah tamagocinya aku bawa. Waktu itu aku les sempoa juga, dan pas les sempoa itu tamagoci juga kubawa. Kemudian terjadilah suatu musibah, yaitu aku harus ujian sempoa.

Waktu les sempoa itu aku nggak pinter-pinter amat lo, meskipun pas lomba pernah dapet piala. Tulisan di pialanya "Tunas Harapan". Keren kan! Tapi kedengerannya aja keren, padahal yang namanya tunas itu kan ya belom tumbuh, terus semua anak yang ikut lomba sempoa (dan nggak menang) itu dapet piala tunas harapan. Terus itu satu-satunya piala yang pernah aku dapet gitu HAHAHAHA oke ini ga nyambung.

Jadi pas itu aku ujian sempoa, dan temenku lagi nggak ujian jadi dia pinjem tamagociku. Kan aku lagi ujian, jadi aku nggak bisa ngawasin temenku itulah. Nah abis itu aku lupa apa yang terjadi. Pokoknya setelah aku pulang aku baru sadar tamagociku belom balik. Padahal waktu itu aku masih sekitar kelas 2 apa 3 SD, dan belom ada yang punya handphone. Nomer telpon temenku itu juga aku nggak tau. Jadilah aku nunggu sampe pertemuan sempoa berikutnya baru aku nanya ke dia. Eh katanya dia nggak inget tamagocinya dikemanain. Terus kan waktu itu aku masih penakut banget, ya aku ga berani marah sama dia. TERUS AKU NYESEL SEUMUR HIDUP T_________T

Aku kangen tamagocikuuuuuuuu hikksssssssss...

Aku nggak pernah nemu yang sama lagi kayak gitu, abang-abangnya juga ga jual lagi tamagoci yang sama. Aku mau tamagociku kembali! Ga mau tamagoci lain maunya tamagoci pinguin! Huaaaaaaaaa...

My Field of Fortune! 11:37 AM

I believe that everyone is fated to have their own field of fortune. It could be apart from what they have imagined before, and it might be far different from what they thought they would go through.

Well in this case, I'm talking about myself.

I've never thought I would ever be in this field! I mean, being a music student is a sudden deviation of what I'd always wanted to be. I had been dreaming, for years, of having my career in graphic design. Or perhaps in IT. And maybe English Literature. But not music! Music education for even less. I'd never imagined I would ever be a teacher. Isn't that scary? Being hated by kids and stressed by their behavior. Oh my...

But then I experienced some... luck, opportunities I know I did not deserve. I'm not as good as many of my classmates, but I am the one who got the chances. I guess it's not for my skill, It's just my beginner's luck :p. Being able to play with the Wind Orchestra and to be chosen to play in front of Ananda Sukarlan, in my second semester, that's huge! Though I had wasted those chances by not doing my best. I really gotta start being serious by now.

I think I've found my field of fortune. I know I'm kinda late starting to learn at this age, but I also know what I am capable of, and I gotta be really good at this. I'm gonna be better than just a lucky beginner!

Degradasi Kualitas Hari Besar 6:12 PM

Sebenernya ini lanjutan dari post sebelumnya, semacam habis dapet pencerahan setelah galau gitulah.

Waktu aku kecil aku semangat banget tiap kali menjelang hari 'besar' entah itu natal, paskah, tahun baru, lebaran, ulang tahun, hari jadian (ha? emang pernah?), dan hari besar lainnya. Pokoknya menurutku di hari yang spesial harus ada event yang spesial.

Ekspektasiku yang berlebihan menimbulkan kekecewaan di hari-hari mendatang *ciadow*. Seperti yang kita tahu, semakin tinggi harapannya, semakin besar kekecewaannya (kalo nggak kesampean). Harapannya sih waktu ulang tahun dapet hadiah, tapi jatohnya kecewa waktu dibentak papa pas minta kado ulang tahun. Begitu ditanyain sama mama mau kado apa, aku malah nangis sesenggukan.

Harapannya sweet 17 bisa ngajak temen-temen nginep bareng, eh ternyata lagi ujian. Yaudah ganti, pengen ngerayain sama mama aja, eh ternyata mama ga bisa ke Jogja. Udah gitu aku bete seharian gara-gara konflik TEC. Padahal judulnya sweet 17 tapi itu ulang tahun paling ngebetein seumur hidup.

Harapannya abis pengumuman UAN SMP bakal ngerayain sama temen-temenku, muter-muter naik TJ. Eh aku malah mewek parah gara-gara dimarahin papa. Halah cerita lama.

Harapannya 17 Agustusan tahun 2008 bisa nonton Panic! At The Disco, tapi malah jaga buku tamu pas tanteku kawinan. Itu bukan hari besar ding. Tapi itu hari besarnya tanteku :3

Ya gitu deh, banyak hari besar yang jadinya nggak besar. Aku jadi berhenti berharap banyak, nggak usah nunggu hari besar buat kejadian yang besar. Nggak usah nyari tanggal bagus buat kejadian yang spesial. Yang penting bukan hari apa, tapi sama siapa dan gimana kita menjalani hari itu. Oh meeen gue bijak banget.

I don't care about the days and dates. I'll make my own calendar, mark my own special days. :)))

Degradasi Kualitas Hari Valentine 4:56 PM

Besok hari Valentine! Tadi waktu mau bobo ciang aku mikir... besok Valentine tapi aku kok nggak beli coklat? Tapi mau dikasih ke siapa? Siapa juga yang mau ngasih aku coklat? Apa yang salah denganku sampe Valentine ke 18 dalam hidupku masih nggak punya cowok buat dikasih coklat??? Aku galau, aku malah nggak jadi bobok.

Valentine pertama yang aku inget, waktu kelas 4 SD. Aku masih imut dan polos, masih pake seragam kegedean. Tapi ada yang naksir sama aku, aku juga naksir sama dia :3 aaaw cute abis. Di siang yang cerah itu, aku dikasih bunga mawar pink boongan, coklat cadbury gede, sama ada suratnya. Unyu laaah. Dan kita dicengin abis-abisan. Aku masih inget banget cengan jaman SD tiap ada yang pacar-pacaran: "Ciyeeeeeeeeeeee, Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Entah kenapa ada 'huuuu'nya, siapa yang nyiptain coba.

Aku pernah ngasih bunga buat mamaku waktu Valentine. Mawar merah, boongan juga sih. Terus sama mama diselipin di jendela. Eh suatu hari mawarnya menghilang, kata mama dibawa adekku ke sekolah, buat tugas. Aku nyesek, itukan hadiah dari gueeeee kenapa malah buat tugas -,-.

Valentine waktu SMP adalah yang paling boros. Jaman SMP kita sukanya tuker-tukeran coklat, tapi pake janjian dulu. Yang dikasih cuma yang udah janjian. Udah gitu coklatnya request. Ga ada yang request Silver Queen, udah nggak lepel. Dan anggaran buat beli coklat itu menghabiskan uang bulananku yang cuma 200 rebong. Tapi ya tiap valentine aku mengantongi berbatang-batang coklat Delfi wuahahaaaa~

Keadaan berubah semenjak aku menginjak masa putih abu-abu. Nggak ada lagi yang ngajak tuker-tukeran coklat, jadi aku hemat (padahal sedih, rasanya ga punya temen T_T). Valentine waktu kelas 1 aku nonton film gratis dari Honda Beat sama Nenda. Filmnya Lokal, judulnya kalo nggak salah Oh My God, dan itu sangat wagu. Eh waktu di amplas ketemu pasangan Ipeng-Amel pake kaos couple (apasih ini). Valentine kelas 2 aku nonton film Valentine's day sama Arni. Valentine kelas 3 aku gak ngapa-ngapain. Menjelang Valentine tahun ini... rasanya kayak mau Halloween bodo amat laaah.