Berubah! Berubah! 11:40 AM

Oke ini postingan curhat banget, ga usah dibaca nanti bete sendiri.

Sekarang ini, aku lagi mengalami banyak perubahan dalam sendi-sendi kehidupanku #hayah.

Aku baru ngerasain berada di suatu lingkungan yang isinya bukan orang-orang dari kelas sosial yang lebih tinggi dari aku. Kalo dibandingin ya, lingkungan sosialku dari jaman SD sampe sekarang itu berubah terus. Kalo dibikin grafik jadinya kayak gini:

Strata sosial orang-orang di sekitarku dari waktu SD sampe sekarang, turun gitu. Tapi aku lebih suka di lingkungan yang sekarang sih. Temen-temenku sekarang bukan yang ngandalin gengsi, temenannya ga pilih-pilih berdasarkan tampang apa kekayaan.

Baru ngerasain minder gara-gara takut jadi bego sendiri. Bukannya mau sombong ya, tapi dari dulu aku belom pernah ngerasain harus bener-bener berusaha buat dapet nilai yang menuhin standar. Tapi sekarang, ya begitulah.

Baru ngerasain anehnya tiap hari diSMS alay orang-orang yang entah tau aku dari mana dan dapet nomer dari mana. Konyol sih awalnya. tapi lama-lama ngeselin. Pagi-pagi SMS "Met pagi...", siangnya "Met siang...", sorenya "Udah mandi belom?" oh mon Dieu bapak saya aja kagak pernah nanyain. Sebenernya yang bikin kesel tuh kenapa yang SMS bukan orang yang diharapkan :B yaaah paling nggak ada yang inget sama aku buat ngucapin selamat pagi, meskipun kepagian dan aku masih enak-enaknya ngimpi dan malah kebangun dan jadi bete.

Kesimpulannya, roda berputar. Ga nyambung bodo amat.

Young? 11:41 AM

Eighteen years of living.

"Old enough to know, but too young to care." Anberlin, Haight st

I wish I don't have to grow up anymore.
Stay like this for an infinite time.
Young, reckless, irresponsible, childish.
Like I've got my life on the palm of my hand,
mine to decide what to do with.

I wanna be young forever.

Finish my college, graduate,
and still young.

Get a job, make the grade in it,
and still young.

Get married, with the man I love,
find a pretty house to settle in,
travel around the world,
and still, young.

Like a 'young' middle aged lady :D

"I wanna break every clock, the hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives." Anberlin, Inevitable

Soalnya Tuhan Tau... 9:35 PM

Aku tau kenapa mukaku pas-pasan,

soalnya kalo aku cantik pasti sombong.

Aku tau kenapa kulitku ga putih mulus kayak bintang FTV,

jadi aku ga suka pake baju seksi-seksi.

Aku tau kenapa duitku ga banyak,

kalo aku kaya nanti suka foya-foya.

Aku tau kenapa ga banyak cowok yang naksir aku,

biar aku ga jadi player huahahaaa.

Aku tau Tuhan itu adil, aku tau Tuhan ga mau aku macem-macem,

makanya Dia nyiptain aku segini-segini aja.

Aku tau Tuhan pengen aku nerima diriku apa adanya.

Dear God, I'm trying, really :')

Lagi-lagi, Menjadi Diri Sendiri 8:19 AM

Sebenernya aku bingung, apa yang dimaksud dengan "menjadi diri sendiri?"

Gimana kalo "diri sendiri"ku itu bukan jenis manusia yang dianggap normal di masyarakat? Bukan yang standar gitu. Apa aku harus menempatkan diri biar sesuai sama yang diharapkan orang-orang? (Bentar aku jadi bruwet sendiri.)

Misalnya ya, aku orangnya introvert. Isn't that the way I am meant to be? Should I try to fit in and try being someone I'm not? Kalo emang personalitiku kayak gitu, apa aku harus pura-pura jadi orang yang gampang bergaul dan sok asik? Sebagai orang yang introvert otomatis aku rada antisosial dong, kenapa papaku kayaknya terganggu banget sama hal itu? We're different, don't expect us all to be the same!

Mungkin aku emang pilih-pilih temen. Semua orang kan pilih-pilih temen. Aku juga ga bisa kalo harus menyambung-nyambungkan diri sama orang yang ga nyambung. Tambah lagi trauma temenan sama orang yang sombong-sombong dan suka ngerendahin orang lain. Apalagi yang backstabber. I'm through with them.

Cari temen yang cocok itu susah, banget malah. That's why once I meet the right ones I stick with them all the time. Salah? Bukannya itu menjadi diri sendiri ya? Salah??????

I should have known I can't keep anybody's word. Maybe it's easy for someone to promise things but careful with your promise, it breaks people more than you think it does.

Empty hopes, bullshits, I've been told too many times. Thank you very much.

Kaleidoscope 5:32 PM

I don't know what brought me back here. My last post is like a thousand years ago hahahaaa. Well it's been just a year but it felt like forever.

One single year changes many things though. We all change. But I guess I'm just gonna talk about myself.

A year ago I was still a good girl, never went home late in the middle of the night. A year ago I hadn't worn these dental braces. A year ago I was still dreaming of becoming a graphic designer. A year ago I loved my mom soooooooo damn much. A year ago I didn't always get myself "galau" because of this person I have a crush with.

A year ago my friends and I hadn't built this really strong, lovely friendship we're having now :D and as time went by we got to know each other better, tried to accept one another as we are, I love how I can be myself when I'm with them. Of course every friendship has problems. And I made lots of problems :p I had countless fights with my friends and honestly I'm sick of hearing myself asking for apologies. Why do I always start a fight? -,-

I spend most of my time with my friends and who must one blame for me choosing them over my family? No one. My friends are my new family. Well they are the ones I can always count on, when my family cannot be there for me.

What doesn't change in a year is my love life. Well this one is really fucked up, I guess I just gotta deal with it. Nobody can stand me I guess T_T

Bewildered with myself, I'm easily get distracted by questions like:

• Who are you?

• What kind of girl are you?

• What do you want to be when you grow up?

I need to define myself.

I need to know more about me. About my taste, about my favorite things, the clothes I have to wear, books I like to read, movies I like to watch, things I like to do.

I wanna know what it feels like to know what to choose, not to be bothered by others' view.

It would feel really nice to know who you are, and to be happy with it.

But All I Can Do is Think... 10:07 PM

Loooooooooooooong time no blog. I've been so lazy to update my blog since I'd become a tweet-a-holic *I don't know if that word really exists but that's how I call people tweeting a lot :p

Hey it's holiday now! It's the "Ujian Nasional" time so I get 5 days off. It's a long awaited holiday and I'm soo glad now that I don't have to wake up early in the morning. Even better, I can sit in front of the computer all day. Can you believe that I can stand browsing the internet for more than 12 hours a day? I myself still don't believe it.

Well I'm gonna use my free time to manage the business I'm doing in kaskus. I'm selling T-shirts of Panic! at the Disco and All Time Low. Unfortunately, it seems that my design for ATL doesn't get many buyers. I think I'll just cancel that one and only make the P!ATD tees. Can't wait for them to be printed!



Talking about business, I really really want to do a serious business. Maybe opening an online store, or things like that. Well I guess I've got many ideas, I'm just too pessimistic.

Anyways, I'm currently in love with some old rock songs, which is unusual for me, cause I used to listen to teenage pop rock bands. But those oldies are just so ... rock. I mean when I hear the word "rock", my brain automatically shows the sound of 80's rock songs with cry baby guitar effects and pictures of long haired band members wearing leather jackets. Like these:

Bon Jovi

Kiss

Scorpions

Cliche isn't it? I guess I'm stereotyping.
It's not because of how they look or their lifestyle, but I don't know why I still don't get it when bands like Jonas Brothers (can we even call it a band?) are said to be rock bands. They are so pop!

New Keyboard, You Made My Day 6:25 PM

Keyboard baruuu, wohooooooo *norakkkkk

gila rasanya make keyboard baru seneng banget, setelah keyboard yang lama cuma bisa dipake 20% parahh zzz *berlebihan

tapi emang bener, aku ga bakal menghargai suatu hal sebelom aku kehilangan hal itu.

coba aja ngetik pake on screen keyboard yang oh my god, sangat melambatkan pengetikan. apalagi chatting pake itu. udah ga biasa nyingkat" kata, pake keyboard yang diklik klik. jadinya lamaaaaaaaa bangetttttt. orang di sebelah sana udah nulis satu paragraf, aku satu kalimat belom selesai. mana salah-salah pula nulisnya, ahuhuhuhuhuhu

tapi thank god itu semua sudah berlalu. aku sekarang bisa nulis dengan maximum speed, selamat datang keyboard baru! huahahahahahahahhaha

Tahun Baru, Tugas Memburu 5:43 PM

Happy (late) New Yeeaarrr! It's been sooo loong since my last post. And there's alot of things to write. Unfortunately I'm not a good writer that when I'm gonna write something, it suddenly disappears from my head. Plop!

I'm thinking about making a new year's resolution. I'm gonna try harder this year 'cause my last year's resolution was just about... 20% completed. Kinda frustrating isn't it? However, making the list is so much fun! It's like we're planning our future and I can imagine many pleasant things to do. Even though I'm also not a good planner that when I plan something I can barely sleep thinking about it all night. Geez that's really annoying.

The latest case was last night. I couldn't sleep while my head was fullfilled by things I wanted and had to do. I wrote them down and there was about 13 points on the list. I tried to sleep but still I couldn't. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw bags, shoes, and clothes I wanted to buy. Also I saw designs I hadn't finished and how I would disappoint people if I hadn't finished them on time. Plus the weather was sooooooooo breezing. But I still use the fan anyway. Doubled fan, hahaha. At last I slept at half past three (after going to the toilet for 4-5 times) and woke up at half past five with my stomach filled with air. Really good night sleep zz

Despite the fact that making a plan sends me to a horrible night, I still want to make my resolution this year! Here's it:
1. Inspired by this article, I'm gonna make a project called Daily Design or whatever it will be called. I'm gonna design something everyday. Sounds really fun but hard to do.
2. Study more. I wanna get a better rank. Big 5 is better.
3. Live healthy. Drink more water, exercise more, I wanna get rid of my headaches.
4. Level up my guitar skill.
5. Clean my room. And keep it clean for at least a week.
6. Buy everything I want to buy! Hahaha.

I'm so excited about making daily design. Maybe just a drawing a day, but that is really fun to do :D